There was a time when I was lost, broken, bruised, my soul was torn, ripped apart and shaky. All I wanted to disappear or die. When people see me today, they are like – no, that can’t be you. You are full of life and are an amazing person. But yes, it was me, who just wanted to die, who wanted not to see the next rising Sun or next setting Sun. All I wanted and wished was a painless death, as there was so much pain in life. Life could have been like this – so ugly, so rough, so painful. Every night, I used to wish not to see the sun again. But how fateful I was that my wish never been heard.
There came a light in my darkest hour, when I was sinking, lost myself completely and up-to my surprise I heard -” I LOVE YOU. I died for you, I want you to live for me. I have paid your wages. This place and these situations does not belongs to you. Hold my hand, I will take you to the places and peace. You are my child. You belong to me. Come lets stand up and move from here coz you belong to me.”
I looked at myself, how unfaithful I was with my parents, my siblings and with God even. And here my eternal father is still saying that he loves me. I had tears in my eyes, not of pain but of acceptance. No matter what I have done but he still loves me. I asked him – “where to go?” and he said – “home, That’s the place you belong to.” I stood, hold his hand, and came home. To my surprise, no one asked me any single question why I did this or that. They all accepted me with open arms, helped me to stand once again with my head held straight. Today I am not the same girl as people think of me, I am a free bird and don’t sit anywhere, I have a home. Yes, I go out in search of food but at the dawn I return to my home, to my people. How blessed I m to have a home.
Today, all I want is to live, for the Daddy who gave his life for me, for my parents, family and friends.
I don’t consider that phase as a bad phase. It was just a phase where I learned the value of life, of family, of food, of money but nothing is above the love, the love of God.
I have a great family, good friends and money in pocket. I don’t have everything I want but I have things I need.
The best thing I did till date is to live when all I wanted is to die.