Words are so powerful. They have all the power to make and to break. I may not get a scratch after falling from hills but can shattered by your mere words. Let your words make someone, not break.
Words are so powerful. They have all the power to make and to break. I may not get a scratch after falling from hills but can shattered by your mere words. Let your words make someone, not break.
The qualities which we call Humanity, Compassion, Kindness and Empathy; we all have lost them at a place we don’t remember.
I am a mountain girl and I will always choose mountains over anything else including beaches, fine dine, shopping, international trip or any activity or adventure one can name or think of. For me, that walk in nature is far above anything else in this world. My soul knows the kind of excitement and adrenaline rush when I move out of my house to meet the love of my life – HILLS.
The way life asks us to bend and live, the say way mountains asks us to bend and climb. For me, climbing a mountain is not conquering it. It’s about meeting it, exploring it, knowing it, hugging it and inhaling and breathing it. We cannot conquer mountains. Mountains know how to break the over-confidence. In order to climb them, we need to love, adore and respect them. We are required to humble ourselves and should have compassion else mountains will also show us their arrogance and won’t accept us with wide arms open. It’s not the mountain we conquer. We conquer ourselves, our fears and limitations. I can assure you that once you would be back from mountains you would not be the same person who went to mountains.
Mountains teach us a lot. Climbing a mountain is not about inclining it only its about getting down as well. Mountains are always farther than they look, bigger than we see and tougher than we think. Don’t be over confident just take one step at a time. No one has ever climbed a mountain without the first step and neither you will be able to do it. There would be numerous times that you would think of going down but before doing that think about all the steps you have already taken. Sit down, drink a sip of water, breathe in and out slowly and then take the next step. Every top is in reach if you won’t give up and keep taking that li’l one step.
The view from the mountain top would let you forget every hardship and obstacle you have faced. Sleeping on the hill top, beneath the sheet of stars is a one-time thing in life. If you are lucky to have experienced it and this story would be written on your heart and soul and would remain for the lifetime. There would be no regrets; only lessons.
There are Devine moments in life which can only be seen and felt by us and any pen or camera would not be able to describe or capture the same. One has to come out of their comfort zone and start from the first step at the feet of the mountains. Let’s get lost in the beautiful, divine and scenic place and capture everything with our eyes.
Yeah, I am back with one of the incidents happened with me recently and took me into a deep shock for a while and I am sure it does happen with lots of women on a daily note.
Let me tell you that as a contrary , I am a good driver ( or at least what people think that women cant drive well ) and I love driving as well. Driving is one of the stress buster to me.
The day (March 31, 2017) started as normal as the other days of my week. I was driving and talking to a friend of mine ( my phone was connected with the aux of my car). It was approx 11 AM, so not much traffic on the roads. I was driving on NH8 and saw a senior citizen ( approximately 70 years or above) showing me middle finger and he does it 3-4 times before overtaking my car. Initially i didn’t pay attention towards the guy and kept on driving as I was already engaged in two things – driving and talking ( well both are my hobbies). So apart from having good driving skills I am blessed with few good friends as well, who loves talking to me.
I saw the guy and kept on driving and told my friend – ‘this buddha (senior guy) is showing me a middle finger and I don’t know why’. He asked me to put the phone down and concentrate on driving thinking I might have done something due to which the uncle did this.
The guy in the other car did the same 2-3 times more, passed a cunning and mysterious smile and then overtook my car. I was really frustrated and thought to catch the old guy. I put the fourth and then the fifth gear of my car and started chasing his car. I know its not safe to drive that fast but at that particular moment my blood was boiling and out of rage I drove at a speed more than 110 or 120 kmph. I kept on blowing my car’s horn behind his car and indicated him by hand gestures to stop the car on side. He was aware what he has done and started speeding. Thank God, he was driving a small car and wasn’t able to beat the horse power of my car. I took my car on his side lane and started driving mine towards his car to stop him. By then he also might have understood that escape wasn’t possible from this situation and stopped his car. I stopped mine too. I came out of my car, locked it and put the keys in my pocket. Walked towards his car and knocked on windows and asked him to come out of the car as well. He does the same.
I was able to see the shamelessness on his face. The guy looked educated and I asked him- ‘uncle, what I did to earn that middle finger from you? Was I driving improperly or Did I say something inappropriate’? He shouted on his highest pitch- ‘which middle finger you are talking about? I have never shown you one’?
I spoke in a pitch which was obviously higher than his pitch and said – ‘Don’t try to be loud because I know I can speak louder than you. So now tell me why u did that- showing me the middle finger’?
Uncle – Beta (daughter), i haven’t shown you one. Trust me.
Me- ‘So Uncle, as you are speaking in English, I can understand that you are a well educated guy. I am sure, you have got degrees as well with you. But where are your manners? Where did you sold them? U know, you have just shown me the middle finger multiple times and now calling me beta. Wow!!! (I clapped). Uncle I can see you must be in your seventies and you know what, you are older than my own dad. And right now, I am thinking about the ladies in your house – your daughter, your daughter-in-law, your grand daughters. I am sure you also call them beta but not sure weather you show them this middle finger or not. Uncle, I don’t even feel like spitting upon you because that’s would be an insult to my spit. Just a request, please refine or readdress your mind. Not for me, not for the other girls but for the ladies in your house. The biggest fear for them is you – the guy whom they all are calling either papa, dada or nana (grand father).
The guy was standing there lowering his head because he was aware what he has done and was able to understand what I was saying. I turned, opened my car, sit and drove without looking back. I was able to see in the rear mirror of my car that the guy was still standing there.
I don’t know weather he will be changed or not but I know that my words were able to reach his mind. His lowered head sent that message.
I heard it somewhere:
No women of any age, gender, colour, character, ever deserve to be sexually violated or what some might lightly call ‘Eve Teasing’.
A women wears strength and darkness equally well, she has always be half goddess and half hell.
So here I am, again with a new write-up of mine. “A TRIP TO HEAVEN”. Sharing the experiences of mine and my friends on a trekking trip in rainy season and being amateur and low in budget which actually changed our behavior and mindset.
After so much of discussions, we all four agreed upon the Kheerganga trek in Himachal Pradesh. We took bus from Delhi in the evening and reached Bhuntar in Himachal Pradesh, in morning. We had our breakfast at a “dhaba” over there and after talking to some locals we took a bus to Barsaini via Tosh and Manikaran Sahib. We explored a little bit of Manikaran sahib on our way as we didn’t get much of time because the bus didn’t stop there for long but we all were mesmerized by the beauty of the nature, and decided to be there on our way back to Delhi.
On our way to Barsaini, we witnessed two landslides blocking the way and also learned how locals clear the roads without waiting for any help from the regulatory authorities. Yes, we were excited about witnessing landslide for the very first time and were scared as well because it was dangerous and can take our lives too.
It was already afternoon when we reached Barsaini. After Barsaini there was no motorable road. One has to trek for 15 kilometers to reach Kheerganga. It was drizzling continuously since last night. Our bus driver and conductor advised and tried their best to stop us from trekking as it wasn’t safe in that season. But we all were too excited that we said we will manage, to which they wished us luck and we went ahead.
It was our major mistake taking that drizzle very light and thinking it would stop after sometime. Plus we all were trekking for the first time in our lives and because of no experience our bags were heavy which becomes heavier after getting drenched in the rain. That too was still not able to kill our excitement and enthusiasm as we were so mesmerized by the greenery, nature, free flowing Parvati river on full swing and clouds touching our shoulders.
Initially we took a wrong way and reached at a dead end. It took more than 1.5 hours of us to be at the right path. There were multiple water streams on our way which has turned into waterfall because of continuous rainfall. On most of the streams there were either bridges or big stones to cross them. Plus the locals and fellow travelers were very helpful while guiding and letting the other person to offer help. The rain was not ready to stop at any cost and so we were.
We found Dogs accompanying us while we were on our way. We named our guide dog as Gattu because of his cuteness. Once Gattu felt that we were on right track and are safe for the further journey, he went back to help other travelers. There were multiple shacks on the way and hot ginger tea was a savior for all of us at that time. Two of us had umbrella and a raincoat but rest two were not equipped with any sort of this thing and it’s the time we were completely drenched and were shivering because of cold. We changed our clothes as none of us wanted to fall ill and spoil the fun.
After 3-4 hours of journey there came a point which actually killed our enthusiasm. A major landslide which had flushed away the walking passage completely. The small stream of water was now a big waterfall which can flush away the person into the furious “Parvati River” easily if standing alone. We all were actually so scared that we were standing still and planning two things – ‘shall we cross or go back’. We didn’t want to go back so we waited there for some more people to see if something can be done. Out of fear we didn’t think to click even a single picture as our mind was not on enjoying this, we just wanted to get rid of this as soon as possible. There came few people and we all helped each other crossing that waterfall fall holding hands of each other and while chanting the name of God we worship.
After that the whole route was quite clear apart from being slippery because of continuous rain and drizzling. Any we reached our destination at 7 or 7:30 pm in the evening. We were too tired but the view made us forget every pinch of tiredness. It was a real heaven and I was able to feel the Nature. Well I am a mountain person and my soul thirsts for hills but it was something more beautiful which I can say I have never experienced before.
We hired the very first tent accommodation we found. We were completely drenched and tired and after changing we fixed our position in front of bonfire and started chit chatting. The others also joined us. We call it an off for the tiring and adventurous day after dinner as we all were broken because of tiredness.
Next morning, we took bath in the natural hot water spring which was just 5mins walking from our rented accommodation. We took bath and visited the Lord Shiva temple next to hot water spring. The water was pretty hot and one doesn’t want to come out once in, plus the water is naturally Sulphur treated water so it does have some medicinal properties too.
We spent our complete day in the lap of Mother Nature and yes I can spend my whole life there. The people, the view, everything was beautiful there.
We came to know about two more major landslides and saw people coming back to valley as they were not able to cross the passage. We decided to leave early morning next day to have ample time in order to overcome any difficulty. We also hired a local guide to help us. We were able to see so much destruction while coming down and even I was saved just by two steps from a falling log because of landslides. The passage which was flushed because of landslide has no sign that it ever existed. And we were able to hear people shouting because they were scared and praying. I too had a thought – will I be able to reach home and then I remember what Daddy (Jesus- I call him Daddy) says, I will go before you and make the crooked places straight. (Psalm 45:2). Every stone was sliding upon being touched by anything, leave about standing on those. Our entire feet were submerged into that muddy and stony sliding things and we were too scared to fall down or getting flushed from there. Somehow we crossed it and after that whatever obstacle came in the route was like a piece of cake for us as we have already seen the worst. Our guide helped us so much in the route and kept on telling us new – new stories as well to keep us engaged.
It’s a MUST GO and MUST DO trekking but at the right time. Don’t make the incorrect move like us- trekking in rainy season (a big NO).
This trip was a trip I will never be able to forget. Even while writing about it today I can feel as if it just happened yesterday. Everything is so crystal clear in my mind.
So yes, I DID THIS & I LIKED IT & I WILL KEEP ON DOING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Yes, it’s true that once a cheater is always a cheater and there is no way I am trying to defend the cheater. No, I am not and I myself, am completely against cheating and a cheater has no respect in my sight. I am not judging them but again I can’t accept a cheater in any relationship with me because when I know that someone pertains cheating in ones behaviour then there are 99.99 percent changes of the same person cheating upon me as well, if required and I am not ready to play gamble upon 0.01 percent of chances being them honest and loyal with me.
So yes, I was talking about why people cheat. There could be several reasons of cheating but we are also one of the reason. It’s hard to accept for me even that I am or I can be one of the reasons for being cheated. However, the harsh truth is – Yes. I am or can be.
When we love someone, we give everything we have to that person. Our heart, our mind, our soul, our thoughts and everything that belongs to us. We try to be a part of their likes, we watch their favorite TV serials, movies, matches, we dress up the way they want, we even eat what they like. In Short, we forget ourselves in the process of loving them.
WOW! It’s the perfect love we could have planned for. But we still got cheated. What we have not done in order to fill that gap. Is the other person more handsome/beautiful than us, do they love our partners more than us? Or something between us has been changed? We spend so much of our time and energy in figuring this out. And we applaud and appreciate ourselves for changing completely for our partners.
But here we forgot that when we both fall in love, we both were opposite poles and here the ‘opposite attracts’ worked. The person they fall in love was an independent, free spirited and self loving person and whose likes and hobbies were totally different from theirs. The moment we both came in contact with each other we got to see new ideas, new ways of doing the same things or I can say a new world to explore. But here one of us left their world permanently and instead of exploring the other world we started living there and made it the home no matter how uncomfortable we were. And we are no longer that person as we have changed ourselves for their love sake. Our partner does not have the same person with whom they fall in love. The ‘opposite attract’ person is their clone now. Who wants to live with a clone? At least not me.
And I am sure not you as a partners as well.
Remember, you and your partner used to surprise each other with every different hobby or likes of yours. And yes, you guys used to enjoy each other so much. Even the silence between both of you was loving. Now when you are clone partner who does everything same then the other partner miss – the real you, the shining smile on your face, the craziness in your eyes, the surprises you used to bought them.
No, they don’t love the other person like the way they love you. They will always choose you when it’s comes to choose between you and the third person. But when the third person (who is like the way you were) is in front of them, they feel tempted and most of the people cannot ignore that lucrative offer.
It’s not wrong to love someone but yes It’s wrong to change completely for them, becoming their clone and forgetting what you are and what you want. You cannot make anyone happy until you are happy and you cannot be happy if you are in a continuous process of killing yourself. So don’t kill yourself in order to love someone. If they love you today for what you are then they will always love you. And if they still chose to cheat then you know that you are not the reason behind cheating. We cannot stop someone from cheating but we can be in control of ourselves. Even if someone cheats we still know how to be happy and love ourselves. Don’t make their world your permanent home. Be in your world and explore the other world.
There was a time when I was lost, broken, bruised, my soul was torn, ripped apart and shaky. All I wanted to disappear or die. When people see me today, they are like – no, that can’t be you. You are full of life and are an amazing person. But yes, it was me, who just wanted to die, who wanted not to see the next rising Sun or next setting Sun. All I wanted and wished was a painless death, as there was so much pain in life. Life could have been like this – so ugly, so rough, so painful. Every night, I used to wish not to see the sun again. But how fateful I was that my wish never been heard.
There came a light in my darkest hour, when I was sinking, lost myself completely and up-to my surprise I heard -” I LOVE YOU. I died for you, I want you to live for me. I have paid your wages. This place and these situations does not belongs to you. Hold my hand, I will take you to the places and peace. You are my child. You belong to me. Come lets stand up and move from here coz you belong to me.”
I looked at myself, how unfaithful I was with my parents, my siblings and with God even. And here my eternal father is still saying that he loves me. I had tears in my eyes, not of pain but of acceptance. No matter what I have done but he still loves me. I asked him – “where to go?” and he said – “home, That’s the place you belong to.” I stood, hold his hand, and came home. To my surprise, no one asked me any single question why I did this or that. They all accepted me with open arms, helped me to stand once again with my head held straight. Today I am not the same girl as people think of me, I am a free bird and don’t sit anywhere, I have a home. Yes, I go out in search of food but at the dawn I return to my home, to my people. How blessed I m to have a home.
Today, all I want is to live, for the Daddy who gave his life for me, for my parents, family and friends.
I don’t consider that phase as a bad phase. It was just a phase where I learned the value of life, of family, of food, of money but nothing is above the love, the love of God.
I have a great family, good friends and money in pocket. I don’t have everything I want but I have things I need.
The best thing I did till date is to live when all I wanted is to die.
“Babes, don’t leave me. We can sort it out” Said prashant to Sneha and holds her hand. Sneha shrugged his hands and again started packing her belongings in the black Trolley bag which she recently purchased as they had planned an outing. She was angry, furious, disappointed and broken. Tears were continuously running down from her pink cheeks and her eyes were swollen. Prashant was still giving trying to stop her. It seems like this time she was not in any dilemma and has decided to leave prashant and wasn’t listening to him at all. The only thing she was doing continuously was packing her suitcase with tears in her eyes. Prashant’s voice was echoing in the background- “think about me. Think about us. How I am gonna live without you? I need you. I need you here in this house with me. It’s a 6years relationship, don’t break it because of a small mistake.”
Sneha blasted – “SMALL MISTAKE! So Mr Prashant Deshwal, you still think that its a small mistake. It’s the fourth time you have done it. I should have understood in the first instance itself – Once a cheater is always a cheater. And once you catch them, next time they will play it more smartly. I am done with you and with your so called fake us and leaving you and your house.”
Prashant kept on saying that he loves her. He kept on saying sorry and asking for her forgiveness. But this time seems like Sneha had become a stone who was unable to hear anything and the only constant thing was tears from her eyes.
She packed the bag, took her office bag and phone and started moving towards the main door of the house. Prashant blocked her way and started pleading again. He tried to make her remember all the promises they had made to each other. All the vows they had taken together within these 6 years. He was constantly asking for forgiveness and reminding her that ‘us time’, promises and vows which they had done to each other.
Sneha interrupted him in between and asked him – “ok, tell me what’s my favourite colour?”
Prashant was like- “ummm, it’s pink.”
Sneha- “No, its red. And I hate pink. Well urs is off white. I am correct. Isn’t it?
Prashant said – yes, you are.
Sneha again asked, “tell me my favourite food.”
Prashant said – Rajma rice.
“No Prashant. It’s your favourite. Well mine is Pasta” said Sneha. “Ok! Leave that and tell me whats my favourite destination?” She asked.
Prashant was quiet as he wasn’t sure of the answer.
Sneha again asked,”what makes me smile the most? What touches me the most? What is my favourite thing to do in the whole world?”
Prashant held up his hands motioning Sneha to stop. “Where is this coming from and why are you asking me all this right now?” asked prashant.
Sneha looked at him, knowing that he couldn’t answer any of these questions, she asked, correctly. “Because every time, I walk away from you. You beg me to come back swearing that you love me. But how can you love someone that you don’t even know?” said Sneha and left prashant. This time Prashant does not have anything to say to stop her as well.
People will use you, curse you, call you names but what matters the most is your reaction to them. Just in order to reply them don’t fall at their level. Saying that, does not mean to tolerate whatever they are throwing at you. I just meant, not to lower your standard because they are falling short of decency. It took very long for you to achieve this level. To have this peace of mind, to have this serenity, to be content with whatever you have, to stand firm in every Tornado instead expect them to raise to your level. And let me assure you, they will never be able to do that because the day they will attain your level, you too would have grown ahead. If they are incapable of walking with you: WALK ALONE.
It’s your path, your battle and no one else will walk it or fight it for you, you and only you have to do it for yourself. Don’t ever lower your standards, no matter what because the moment you lower your standard, you will be disappointed by what you get. You worked too hard to have these standards. Know your worth and Love yourself enough to walk away from the people, place, situations which force you to lower them. Never ever settle for less because of a temporary feeling as the feeling is temporary but the settling gonna be permanent. Refuse to settle for less. It’s better to spend whole life alone instead of settling for less because you will never get anything apart from disappointments.
You can’t control someone’s behavior neither you want that burden. but don’t give someone a single chance to disrespect you, lie to you, manipulate you or mistreat you. You have standards : step up or step out but don’t stay in the same mess. I again say If people can’t see the best in you, they deserve no chance to be in your life. Just don’t fall for them. Most of us get confused with being used and being loved. Even if loving someone means you need to lower you standards, refuse to do it.Sometimes, the only issue is their ceiling is your ground. Don’t ever think that you have to put up with someone’s mess because they are the first one to show some interest in a long time. We all are beautiful and handsome in our own individual ways, so never lower your standards to accommodate someone. Sticking with your standards will make boys/girls vanish but men/lady will step in to join you.
You, YES YOU, are enough. and I wish you enough. It’s an Irish Blessing. I wish you enough happiness to keep you sweet, trials to keep you strong, sorrows to keep you human, hopes to happy, failures to humble, success to keep you eager, wealth to meet your needs, enthusiasm to look forward, friends and family to give you comfort, faith to banish depression, determination to keep your day going.
It’s been a while to write anything. Tried to make up my mind multiple times to do so but I wasn’t sure about what to write and my mind was so blank at times that I felt like I was just passing the time here on Earth and one day it all will end. Thank God! I am back on track. I am again ready to handle the world with love, sarcasm, wit, kindness, emotions and apathy.
I am dedicating this post to any person who has gone through abuse – verbal, physical, emotional and mental and I will be trying to do complete justice according to my own limited knowledge and mind.
Yes, I know its a long story. It happened days, weeks, months, years or may be decades ago. And I also know that you are still not 100% over it. You are still trying to breath freely, still scared and gasping for air. Things still haunts you. You still find solace in empty, lonely places. You still avoid parties, gathering or crowded sites. According to people who know your story it’s a long and old story and you should be habitual and over from what happened but you are not. You still connect things.
But it’s OK. Trust me, it’s Ok.
I must say it’s perfectly ok. Let people say and think whatever they want to. Your life was a mess because of somebody else. You and only you know how you came out of that, how you survived, what path you have traveled and how many sleepless nights u have seen. Lets not explain anything to them because they don’t deserve or earned it and won’t even understand.
The trauma which you are going through is personal and it should not be validated by anyone. I know you are still fighting a battle daily in your mind with the person who is no more in contact. And you may have to fight till the last day. Verbal, Emotional, Physical and Mental abuses have residual effects and they just don’t fade away. They just don’t.
I know you were victimized, that was not a fair fight, you did not ask for it and yes, you lost it too. But trust me, there is no shame in losing such fights. Now look, you have reached at the stage of a Survivor and you are no longer a slave of victim status. You have all the control of your life. Lead it the way you want. Eat, drink, play and do whatever you like without giving a second thought. Let others decide. Don’t give a damn to anyone. Whenever you feel like things are haunting you, don’t run away – it’s not the solution, turn and look back, look back in the eyes of terror and tell the past you don’t live there anymore and it has no control over you. You are a new creation with an astonishing self confidence and new learnings plus you are a survivor and know well how to deal with any mess. You know what doesn’t kill, makes stronger.
Look forward with hope rather than despair. Start helping others to grow more. The abuser doesn’t stand a chance when victim decides to survive. You gave the power to someone to break you. You are still the person in control. Snatch that power back as they misused it against you. No one owes the power to break you. You and only you have got that power. In order to fly You need to shed all the weight which you are carrying in your heart and in your mind. Now you are not weak, you are not a loser. You are a Hero because you are changing the world by saying no to abuse and abuser.
You may never forget but you need not to constantly remember -You were a victim.
YOU ARE A SURVIVOR
A MIGHTY WARRIOR
I am proud of you.